This is tough. I’ve been gone so long that I really don’t know how to begin again. I want to thank all of you who wrote me to see if I was all right. I’m OK now, I was processing a lot of medical stuff and trying to get a grip.
I’ve always believed that hanging around doctors is bad for your health. I went in to find out about my leg cramps. After lots of tests he basically told me that the leg cramps were unimportant, I had a lot worse going on. Oh jeez. I knew I should have just asked someone at the pharmacy what to take. So, more tests, more consults, more sleepless nights while I freaked out. Finally, it started looking better. I mean, better as in you are not going to die in the next year and probably not in the next 2 years but we don’t predict farther out than that.
Somewhere in all this, I decided I needed to change doctors. I had gone for a 2nd opinion to one that came highly recommended and that is when the news started getting less dire. Both doctors though, only spoke Spanish and I was all full of martyrdom and decided I should get an English speaking doctor so when I was on my deathbed they could talk to Mimi and my son. I also thought maybe my Spanish would disappear as I declined. Seriously folks, I was planning my funeral and trying to decide what music I wanted played. Dramatic? uh, just a little.
So, I went off to my old doctor at Star Medica and she basically told me to get a grip I wasn’t dying anytime soon. She also mentioned that I was overdoing the drama a bit. Hmph! She did agree though that I needed to make some changes in my life to keep the old body humming along for a bit longer. She also wanted to do more tests including an endoscopy. I was starting to feel better but when I came out of the endoscopy I discovered I was waiting for biopsy results, that’s not fun. The results were negative, eventually, and I had to start rejoining life.
It took a while for me to stop feeling I was a short timer but I’m back in the world now. I mean, I went and got my teeth laser cleaned! No one who thinks they are dying gets their teeth cleaned, right? Why bother? I thought it was a big step. I’m back among the living, with white teeth and all that remained was for me to write something here and start reading everyone’s blogs again. I had stopped even reading blogs, not just stopped writing in mine. I’m whittling away at the huge number on backlog and hope to be back in the present soon.
The reason I didn’t blog all this as it was happening is that I really don’t want to blog dying, or medical rottenness or anything remotely like that. Honestly, I’d lost my sense of humor about it all and I was pretty maudlin, no one wants to share that. I kept waiting to see the humor in it all but had the news been as bad as I originally thought, I don’t know if I would have gotten to a point where I could be humorous about it. I’ve read some of those end of life blogs and they are really tough to read, especially if you’ve gotten to know the blogger beforehand. I’m probably not someone who can do that. Luckily, I don’t have to make that decision yet and you don’t have to decide if you want to read it either. So, I’m back and I don’t have any great vacation pictures to show for it but I have really white teeth!