Let’s say there was a poll question about patios and terraces and it asked “Is there any reason to have a patio/terrace without plants?” My answer would be a resounding Hell NO! These spaces are useless without plants, they are an unfinished space, a blank canvas, a waste of space. So, why would you build one of these marvelous spaces with no way for water to drain away? For instance, water that the plants need on a pretty regular basis in order to live?
I can create a wading pool every week on our upstairs patio, it holds water perfectly. If there were more sun I’d plant water lilies and we could wade to bed every night. I’m dealing with it, none of my solutions are great though. First option, I haul the hose up there, flood the place, haul up the wet-dry vac, dump it numerous times into the guest bath shower. This is on the 2nd floor remember, up 3 short flights of stairs. Second option, I haul the hose up to the first flight which luckily does have a drain. I haul water in a watering can up the rest of the way to minimize the amount of run off. Then, I get out the 3rd world mop and bucket and clean up. I’ve been using this last way most of the time.
3rd world mop and bucket
This brings me to mops. See this mop and bucket? This is what I call a 3rd world mop. I do not believe you can effectively use it unless you started when you were 5 years old. It’s a joke. That thing on the top of the bucket that looks like it would allow you to wring out the mop hands free? That’s the biggest joke. It doesn’t work. It will take some of the water out but then you just have to mop 2 or 3 times more to get that little bit that is removed each time. Or, you do as I do and you get down there with your hands and wring the sucker dry. I swear it would be faster and more efficient to just use a large sponge on your hands and knees. Why don’t I??? Because the Mop Mafia have decreed that not only are there no well made 21st century mops available here but there are no large sponges either. At least, I haven’t run across any in my travels.
a real mop
Now this is what I call a modern mop, they’ve been around since oh, the 1950′s probably? They work quite well, you don’t have to get your hands in the dirty water, you don’t have to bend over and wring the sucker out, and it soaks up water much better than a bunch of old string.
The Brits know how I feel about these mops and actually found me one of the above at a store that specializes in things from infomercials on TV. Unfortunately, it’s not very well made and the sponge is about to fall off after the first use. They tried though and I still bring it out and use it carefully for small spills.
My next rant also has to do with water. This is about that offensive ‘mellow yellow’ idea of not flushing the damn toilet after you pee. This grosses me out to the point of nausea. I’m sorry, but if you think you are saving the planet by not flushing the toilet then you have your head in there with the yellow water. If you feel that strongly, skip taking showers or washing your clothes and live with the funk, don’t pass your stink off on others. I must be clear that there is only one person in this house who is guilty of this and I’ve had to deal with it for 18 years now and I’m still not at all happy about it. In fact, every time I find the yellow water I flush the toilet not once, but twice and sometimes three times. Just to make sure that there is absolutely no water saving accomplished by this nasty habit. I’m vindictive like that. So, just saying, if you come and visit me please don’t let the yellow mellow and if you have me over at your house and it is your practice, expect to hear that flush sound 2 or 3 times every time I go in there.
My God! This ranting stuff is fantastic, I feel better already… mellow even 
Dear Mrs. Mophead, I have to ask , as I am feeling a little flushed with the success of being a wee pee-er with impeccable “make sure you put the lid down, Stephen” manners, ( thanks Mum !) and one who always disposes of said effluent effectively and efficiently, whilst also never forgetting to dab a little, followed by the washing of hands every time………could you be taking the Urine ?? You could always wait until ( and thus Hell) freezes over and then like everything in life, chip away at it, “piss by piss”!!!
AND – I hate those nauseating, cloying, not-cutsy-at-all framed thingies over the toilet: if it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down… & the best selling, ever eloquent: in this land of sun & fun, we seldom flush for number 1. And a special catbox in hell is reserved for: Fair sir or miss, should you just piss, pray let it sit – unless you sh*t. IF YOU ARE GOING TO SPELL SHIT – SAY SHIT! SHEEESH. Gracias, Jonna, for letting me thread onto your rant for a practice I find yukky and it’s equally weird accompanying mini-industry of pro-piss plaques!
What in the world were your builders thinking by having an area where water would be introduced with no water drainage provided. Gads, and mops, well remember you are in the land of squeegies. Can you water a bit less quantity? so that it doesn’t run out so much?
Oh, and the mellowing yellow, that’s a Colorado thing – land of perpetual droughts. Water is a PRECIOUS comodity in the high desert.
abrazos
Debi
My mom does that mellow yellow thing. Makes me nuts too. I always flush first. I don’t want my pee mixing with anyone’s else.
That nice red mop bucket you have has a proper mop (not the string kind) to go with it. It is like j-cloth and works pretty well, it’s how I clean all my floors and mop up water that sneaks in during heavy rains. However, if you really want to be Mexican, you could buy those striped towel-looking things that serve as throw mats too. You wrap those around the arms of the squeegee (that someone else mentioned), and you swipe the hell out of everything in its way. I personally do not think it cleans as well as I find residue on the floor after the cleaning lady is done, and I don’t like wringing the thing out by hand. So I go with the red mop and bucket – they sell them at the Walmart in Cancun.
I do own one of those string mops though – use them on the upper terrace, outdoors (I don’t share my indoor mops and brooms with the outdoors). They used to use those mops in the hospital, they did a great job on the floors. The ones here don’t seem to have any quality, they shred quickly and are pretty worthless.
I enjoyed your rant, it made me smile – thanks!
OMG! I was so sure I would take a ton of flak for this post, all of the hate the yellow water folks have come out and I love it.
Stephen, you sir have impeccable manners in all things including loo things. I like to think that I also trained my son on seat etiquette and I often told him that I expected his future wife to thank me for it. I can’t say that ever happened however.
Rummy, you have taken this rant and pushed it to a higher and more eloquent level. The ‘mini industry of pro-piss plaques’ phrase deserves to be embroidered on velvet and hung in the loo. I couldn’t agree more.
Debi, so it is a Colorado thing eh? I always thought all of these types were in California. Glad to hear my home state is not alone. I am no doubt the lone California native that thinks the whole thing is gross and ridiculous. Let me just say that although I was born and raised there I did not drink the kool aid and I do not take 5 second showers either. I once hauled a shower head all the way from London to avoid the stupid water flow restrictors that are in all of the ones sold in my home state. Don’t mess with my water pressure!
Lisa, you have freely admitted one of my secret phobias too. I do one of those triple flushes before I even sit down. I too do not believe in pee mixing.
Sue, I’ve got some of those striped towels, in fact I bought a huge packet of them and still have most of them – I admit we most often use them as a throw mat when it rains. I too watch the squeegee with rag version of mopping and don’t consider it very clean. Manuela does it that way in Akumal, luckily Gabi only does that after she has mopped with the string mop, water and soap. I’ll look for a sponge mop to go with my red bucket, I haven’t seen them. The string mops need replacing all the time, they even sell them with 2 mop heads included because they know they are worthless. Gabi also broke one or two of the handles! She says that a wood handle is the best but I’ve been unable to find one.
I will say that we are having a drain added to that patio very soon, I got the quote today. It won’t cost much and it is so needed. They didn’t put drains there because it doesn’t rain on it. I’m sure they only envisioned a couple of tasteful chairs up there. Heh!
I KNOW better than to argue with you….
You are hilarious! I have tried to get into the string mop thing, just can’t. Next time I am going to buy one of those ones that kind of looks like a string mop but with strips of thin sponge. You know what I mean?
Here’s my rant: the solid wood door to the patio that is set back from the patio sill so that any water that hits it runs between the door and sill and INSIDE! Grrrr.
We use water catchers under our drippy plants here and there (we have them up on wrought iron stands) and then pull them out and dump. But getting a drain is better!
Couldn’t agree more regarding the mop thing. AND, it has been
reported that the sponge type are for sale at the Comercial in the Plaza Marina in PV! Could it be?!?
Almost worth the trip down. . .almost.
A friend of mine brought one with her from the US and politely and patiently introduced her cleaning lady to it, who then swiped it around the house a few times and never touched it again. Old habits die hard.
-MT
The mellow yellow thing is more a Northern Cal thing than a Southern Cal thing because of the constant droughts. Personally,I’d only do it if there really was a drought. I don’t understand doing it in public places or in someone else’s house! How unsanitary looking! Husband leaves the lid up and that bugs the shit out of me (no pun intended). When I enter the bathroom and see the lid up, I lower it, immediately wash my hands and then try to remember why I was in there in the first place.I’ve given up asking him.
regards,
Theresa
John, I was sort of hoping you’d miss this rant. Nothing personal but I’m so far away from you on this subject that it’s almost funny.
I think you are right Theresa, it is a NoCal thing not as much a SoCal thing, we are more aware of aesthetics in SoCal
I was shocked when I moved north and discovered all the hairy armpits and lack of tans.
I would never try and get a maid to switch anything unless it was a huge deal for me. It’s damn near impossible anyway. Mimi has refused to have Fabuloso in any house we are in for years, she hates the smell of it. It is almost a constant battle, you can never let up in your vigilance or the dreaded Fabuloso returns. Gabi even offered to bring some from her house if I didn’t know what she meant. Mimi actually conceded defeat the other day in Akumal and bought some of the day glo purple Fabuloso for Manuela which shocked me when I got there. I said something about it to Manuela and she gave me a big grin, she won – even though it took her over 10 years.
I have seen those strips of foam type mops, fake string mops, and I wonder if that’s what Sue meant by J-strip? Maybe I’ll get one too and give it a try.
Nothing to say other than this made me smile and chuckle a little. Thanks for brightening my day.
And here I thought the Save-The-Urine Campaign was solely and originally a northern Ontario cottage thing – well you live and learn – or at least I do, as Nanny Ogg would say!
Yup, Jonna – that’s what I meant. Don’t leave them sitting in the full bucket though, that rots them quicker than normal. They do a decent job, the bucket rings them out and you don’t have to get your hands into it (you never know what might be lurking amongst those strips!), and you can buy replacements here. And…my favorite liquid for cleaning the floors? FABULOSA! The red one – smells a little cinnamon-y. The lavender one is my next fav – I keep both in the house and rotate. And once in a while I do it with a little bleach (not too much because for some reason the cats like the smell and they lick the floors and roll around and get all worked up). I’ve read that bleach has a similar scent to cat pheromes, so never use it to discourage ‘spraying’ – hard to break the cleaning woman of that (using bleach, not spraying).
Well, maybe I meant FLASH – I use all those colorful liquids in rotation. They probably don’t kill a single germ but they make the house smell nice.
Well the mop thing I just don’t know.
The mellow yellow thing we may have a solution , a win-win.
Do the mellow yellow in the shower like the brazilians are being urged to do. No waste of water and you get a bonus..it helps reduce fungus.
You made me laugh! Thanks Sherry
I do my tile floors with a string mop and then pick-up the water with a high powered wet vac. I have gone through a few wet vacs over the years. This is one area where brand matters. The best ones, hands down, are the RIDGID brand, the biggest one they sell. I sweep up nails, stones, plant parts, about anything that will go down the tube. The holding tank holds more water than I can pick up but it has a valve on the bottom that you can hook up to a hose and send the dirty water off as you pick it up. It is a store brand at Home Depot here in Ohio, my guess they stock them in Merida. It is a big bulky idem that is hard to carry up steps but comes apart into easy to manage pieces. Every homeowner who takes care of their own place needs one, it saves time and more important, it does a better job of dirty water pick-up than anything else I have tried.
As to yellow water, the septic works better with the extra water, flush away.
Jonna, I love your rants. When we first took off in our RV John got a bit enthusiastic about saving water. He suggested saving the pee. I’m not a big “house rules” type of person but I made it real clear that the can got flushed after EVERY use. I flush after someone else too. Can’t stand the thought of their pee splashing up onto my cute butt.
I hate those string mops! Everytime the cleaning lady is here (who insists on using only that type of mop!), I have to go around and remove the strings that have caught on all the chairs and tables. As for the mellow yellow, you would be singing a different tune if you were here with us after a hurricane when all water has to be carried by the bucketful! Oh, just be glad that your maid doesn’t LOVE Pledge like ours does!
Too funny!! Because one of our kids goes to an eco-friendly, self sustaining school in the jungle, we too have become a mellow yellow household. I’m kind of used to it now although it took some time.
From time to time, you’ll find the squeeze mops like you may have used the U.S. on oferta at the super. You’ll get all excited and maybe even buy more than one. But no matter how you explain that it’s superior to the time-honored string mop, your maid will not use it. It’s just one of those things that’s not gonna happen.
This is too funny! We learned, “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down”this is a boondockers commandment! Because I’m a light sleeper, I won’t allow the toilet to be flushed in our bedroom bath, in fact, we have to sit down to pee so it reduces noise and puhleeze, don’t turn on the light! Hey, we all have our quirks!